...we live in a world where people easily lose their temperĖyet always with good excuse or so they say. The point is, losing our tempers is a decision of the will. It has very little to do with the facts. Being happy or sad, content or discontented is something you decide to do as well. Iíve been a police officer for too many years to believe otherwise. In the last twenty-four years of law enforcement Iíve walked in and out of the lives of thousands of people. Iíve seen people control their temper when they knew they couldnít afford to lose it and Iíve seen them lose it when they felt the consequences were affordable. Iíve also seen miserable people in bountiful circumstances and happy people in miserable circumstances. Iíve seen people curse their mate and Iíve seen that marriage break up and that cursed mate become the greatest blessing in someone elseís life. And yet ironically, nothing really changed except for the perception of the viewer.
Controlling your temper and being happy in life and happy in your marriage has less to do with the facts and more to do with a decision of the will and self growth than we care to admit. Sadly we can lash out in our immaturity and create so much damage that sometimes the marriage will fail for no other reason than the damage incurred from the words said during heated moments. Fighting should never be done in a marriage and the simple "Golden Rule" should always be followed. But until you get to that point, you need some ground rules between the two of you. The US military has the Geneva Convention to govern warfare among nations. Boxing has the Marcus of Queensberry rules. Well hereís Julieís "Ground Rules for Fighting in The Home."
Julieís Ground Rules for Fighting :
Remember first and foremost, throughout the fight that you love each other, you want to work out a problem, and you will because you have a celestial marriage.
Think about what you are saying. "Is my need to be right, to prove a point etc., worth the hurt or anger it may cause?"
Only argue the issue at hand, not the past or personal failings. Donít attack each other.
Donít raise your voice and try not to involve children.
After the fight, when things have calmed down, then you can talk calmly about feelings like, "When you say things like that it makes me feel this way..." Or, "The reason I did that was because of..." and then truly listen. Donít try to defend yourself. Try to change what you are doing. It doesnít matter why you are doing what you are doing if it makes your mate feel bad, it has to be changed, right or wrong.
Donít try to change each other. If each of you accept the other for what they are and each of you try to change yourself, the pressure and frustration will leave. Itís a team effort.
Most of all, remember you love each other. If you truly forget about yourself and do everything you can to make your mate happy and you are both doing this, it works in a circle. Your mate can make you a million times happier than you can make yourself.