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        Had I not Prayed Hard Enough...

Well, exhausted I stand at the end of this battle.
       Itís been a tremendous struggle. My nerves are a frazzle.
But I have followed every prompting. I have always tried to do right.
       And now, I feel so much relief from what seemed a terrible fight.
I can remember each obstacle, theyíre so fresh in my mind.
       They came one after another. It was always an uphill climb.
My endurance and faith were tested until I could take it no longer.
       Yet each adversity only served to make me better and stronger.
Sometimes I wanted to stop, yet I felt driven by some inner source.
       So I fought and struggled, never quitting or taking my eyes off course.
I owe my success to you Heavenly Father, you were with me all the way.
       Though some said they couldnít see it, to me it was as plain as day.

But now Iím puzzled and confused. Iím not sure whatís going on!
       Things arenít happening as I thought. Were the feelings I followed wrong?
My faith has been great, oh God, and never once has it ever shaken.
       But somehow, now. I feel alone, abandoned and forsaken.
A mountain can be moved with the faith of a mustard seed the Scriptures say.
       But how do we have that kind of faith if things donít go as we pray?
As I pondered my situation, trying desperately to figure things out,
       many questions came to mind, most of which just created doubt.
Had I not prayed hard enough? Had I not believed through and through?
       Was this just a test of my faith? Is that why things so slowly have moved?
So where does the answer lie, oh God? Am I doing something wrong?
       What is it that Iím not seeing? Why arenít things moving along?
As I battled back and forth with the dilemma before my face,
       slowly came a feeling of peace and my concerns began to erase.

"Have patience," was the feeling that slowly came to my soul.
       "Patience?" "Yes, patience! ...It is the one virtue you forgot to show.
It is one thing to say you believe and that you have great faith in Me!
       Itís quite another to grant Me wisdom and timing and wait patiently!
Even with all Iíve given you, youíre slow to remember and quick to complain
       when things donít go your way or if you experience discomfort or pain."
At that I softened and then I smiled, "How true that is," I shamefully said.
       "Please forgive me, oh God. Iíve been so foolish and selfish," I plead.
When I thought about Christ as He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane,
       a deeper understanding of how prayers should be offered came over me.
Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, the Savior of all mankind from the fall,
       humbly knelt before God the Father, not imposing His own will at all.
He prayed with power, conviction and faith, asking that the battle be won.
       And yet He ended His prayer saying, "Not my will, but thine be done."
Now before my eyes were my failings and excuses for not having done as I should.
       I wish I had been patient and trusted in Godís wisdom as I promised I would.
As I stood, staring into the heavens, a feeling of love and peace came to my soul.
       A voice seemed to say, "Yes, youíve come a long way, ...but youíve still far to go."

   "Be patient in afflictions...endure them, for, lo, I am with thee..." Doctrine and Covenants 24:8

       Officer Samuel Jeppsen, #3751 Dec. 1999-c


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